But like the cliche goes, whatever does not kill you makes you stronger. And I have grown strong indeed.
Just today, I managed to stay in a departmental store playing new year songs for a good 15 minutes before I got that feeling of wanting to tear my eyes out. Definitely a marked improvement from the puny and weak Me that started New Year shopping 2 days ago.
The best thing is that, through this experience, I managed to learn a bit more about myself.
For example, I learn that for a self proclaimed fashion idiot, I actually have a very methodical and scientific way of choosing my clothes.
I run my hands through the various displays… and touch them…sometimes without opening my eyes.
Yes, I choose my clothes based on the sole merit of how they feel. I could literally do it blind folded.
This explains the number of clothing in my wardrobe that looks like something the dog spitted out but feels like orgasm on skin (mmmmm…). It also explains my facial expression when I was touching the in-store mannequins in a manner, and in places that might not be entirely appropriate.
Eating takeaway sushi on plastic bags with the Girlfriend outside a crowded subway station is neither as glamorous as it sounds nor is it as unromantic
In my culture, a new year is normally celebrated by…the shopping for new clothes, which for all of you who know me is an occasion of immense joy. If there is anything more joyful, it’ll have to involve tasers and a whole lot of water.
It doesn’t help that the traditional new year songs are sang by people who are impossibly joyous. For those of you who have never heard a traditional Chinese New Year song before (lucky you), I would say that on the happiness scale, these people rate just slightly above Sesame Street’s Elmo… On crack…and in the midst of acts that should not be mentioned here, but rhymes with porgy.
And because of all this happiness, the songs would have (and this is just a conservative estimate) a million cymbals,gongs and drums playing in the background. I swear, these people could compose symphonies using only cymbals,gongs and drums.
For some reasons, shopping complexes seem to think it’s an excellent idea to blast these songs on repeat play. The closer it gets to the new year, I swear, they’ll blast the songs louder. If you ask me, I have this conspiracy theory that involves the League of Angry Moms Who are Sick and Tired of Nagging at their Kids to do their New Year Shopping Early and will CONDEMN Late Shoppers to Shopping Purgatory, (LAMWSTNKNYSECONDEMNLSSP for short) but I am not free to elaborate. (if I should die in mysterious circumstances…)
Needless to say, this potent mixture of brain cell destroying music and the anxiety brought on by the possible downfall and disgrace you’ll bring to the Family Name due to your incompetence in securing articles of clothing is enough to drive most mortals insane. It is not uncommon to see glazed eyed individual stumbling about shopping malls, CONVINCED that they’ll look good in the luminous purple collared shirt, shit green berms, socks and sneakers combi. (they don’t).
In fact, I won’t be surprised if these is a deserted mall somewhere with disheveled dudes looking for that perfect top because the mall forgot to turn off the New Year songs. (no malls are allowed to continue broadcasting New Year songs more than 15 days into the New Year under the Federal De Numb Skulling act of the Geneva Convention. True story). Their relatives did not bother looking for them because they have dishonored the Family Name by not finding New Year’s cloth.
At that stage, falling into a swimming pool filled with tasers might not seem such a bad idea after all, huh?
Just when you thought he couldn’t sink any lower, he decided to take on the role of Master Roshi in the… wait for it… live action version of Dragonball!
We’re talking about THIS GUY
The perverted 100+++ year old master of Son Goku.
In recent years, the technology for CGI and make up in Hollywood has improved by leap and bounds. Over the past 10 years, we’ve seen thin men playing fat men, young women playing old women, old women botoxed young, beautiful models playing ugly slobs, George W Bush playing human.
So, I awaited with bated breath (no, seriously, no) to see how Hollywood would transform the suave and once sexy Xiao Ma Ge into the sun-glass wearing, moustachioed pervert. And Hollywood does not disappoint..
Voila!
I couldn’t even recognised him in that Hawaiian shirt.
And yes, I know he put on a bit of weight, but to call him fat on an official publicity poster is just too mean, even by Hollywood standards.
Anyway, the movie is called Dragonball Evolution, and here is the official trailer…
Did you hear that? That’s the sound of fan boys’ panties bunching together.
I mean, seriously, a stoner Goku? Not to diss the actor, I’m sure it’s the director’s direction to portray him this way. I’m pretty sure that guy is a good actor… after all, he played bit characters in such classics as The Chumscrubbers and Baby Geniuses 2.All the Kamehames in the world could not save this nonsense. (I just realised I added this line in to establish my geeky street cred, again)
For all my dissing and skeptism, the trailer don’t look half bad…
It looks all bad. (I am so lame)
So why do I continue following these movies? Well… it’s like not being able to look away from the proverbial train wreck.
Now the question is… which movie would stink up 2009 more?
Now, for something (almost) completely different… something that unbundled MY panties…
All the characters intro to Streetfighter 4!
WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yup, almost the whole gang is back in cool next gen graphics. I love the detailed expressions on the characters’ faces when they get pummeled. (Dan’s is exceptionally priceless). And as always, I am glad that Fei Long finally get to move like Bruce Lee…
The Country recently started a local version of “Don’t Forget The Lyrics”.
For those of you have have decided to join us from under your rock, it’s a show where the par-duh-cipants sing along to popular songs and try to fill in missing lyrics for… half a million bucks!
So recently, as part of a publicity drive, the local TV station decided to get some kids to participate in the show.
Now, am I being prudish? Or have they crossed a line when they made a 9 year old girl sing Rihanna’s Umbrella on national TV?
No, I am not jealous of the $10,000 the girl earned in the show
Clones are people two 