An Idiot’s Guide to Vulgarities

The Workplace is a hotbed for vulgarities.

It encourages the learning of new vulgarities in various languages.

It inspires creative and weirdly brilliant permutations of existing vulgarities.

And more importantly, it REWARDS users of vulgarities who outshines others, not only in terms of innovative usage, but also in terms of quantity. In short, any idiot can excel at my Job if you spew enough vulgarities at regular enough intervals.

I swear, I get people doing my work for me just by swearing!

And like all reward based systems, I did not realize it at first, but I was slowly conditioning myself to become your friendly neighbourhood vulgarities spewing ray of sunshine.

I did not fully get how bad it was until I stubbed my toe at work the other day.

One of my pet methods these days utilizes various combinations of the Hokkien word for a female genitalia that due to the sensitive nature of this blog, I shall simply refer to as scchee scbye, or CB for short.  (Note to some: the Breast is not NOT a genitalia <you know who you are>)

Like I said, I stubbed my toe.

ALLEGEDLY,  I went on a rampage by stringing together a continuous and uninterrupted stream of “CB”s.

I was in a mass meeting with my Boss.

Hilarity ensued as the whole room went into a laughing frenzy. ALLEGEDLY, I went on swearing amidst the laughter.

I do not know how long I was in this ALLEGED blind rage but a “Friend” claimed he lost count of the number of CBs at 17… A “Friend” who lost count because he was laughing too hard, and NOT because he was busy cupping my mouth.

I liken this act to the Youtube people who instead of saving the baby, FILMED the innocent baby getting crushed by the Giant Tortoise…

Speaking of which, I just remembered some of you Faithful Readers actually have kids that I like…

Please still let me visit your kids….

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In other news… today, in a rush to get off work, I mistakenly lathered my body with Vidal Sassoon shampoo (yes, OFF work, I get to shower at work… Deal With It)…

Much hilarity ensued as the flaming red shampoo bottle turned blue….

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I’m an Airhead?????


Which Female Action Hero Are You?

You are Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You are outgoing, warm, and sociable. Your intelligence and intuition give you a strong sense of right and wrong; you may be soft, sweet, and a little air-headed at times, but you are fully capable of proving yourself more than a stereotype.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Serendipity

Did I get that spelled right?

Anyway, this happened 2 weeks ago (I was BUSY!!) and I am still pretty amazed that it happened. It almost proved my conspiracy theory that we are living in a scripted sitcom.

The story: One not so cold and totally unrainy night, I tried to get a group of friends to meet up. The affair did not go very well in the sense that out of the 7 people I invited, a grand total of 1 turned up. In the defence of my pulling power, it was cause I started inviting people late and ermm… yeah… I started the invitation process late, so there…

Anyway, met up with L and we unilaterally decided that since no one else was gonna join us, we would go have dessert at another venue instead of our planned supper.

All is well and good with the world here. If we were living in a ‘normal’ world instead of this sad excuse for a sitcom, that would have been it. We would have had our dessert and gone home, but as life (the script) would have it, as we were turning into our parking lot, we saw … the giant backdrop of a studio set and the boom operator!!

Haha. I kid.

We bumped into this 2 friends from the same group of people that I did not invite. (hmmm… I realize this sounds more complicated than it actually is) (it really isn’t) (it sounds less of a wonder in words than it is in deed).

Seriously, if this world was real, we could’ve bumped into any of the other 7 billion (true figures) other “human beings” on this planet, if not the 3 million Extras living in the Home Country, or the 8 billion people who always take the same bus/train as me (I think they are fans)

Well, to end this post politically correctly and happily, we managed to have a good time just hanging out and chilling… just  like we would in a sitcom. (please don’t fire me from the show… or *gasp* kill me off… I actually enjoy being a part of it… as its main star, of course)

The Bases Explained

Well, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner… and for those of us not familiar with the baseball terms of references for sexual intimacy (read: not American or Japanese), the always funny and amazingly geeky XKCD illuminate us all…

So which base will you be at on Valentine’s Day?