The Workplace is a hotbed for vulgarities.
It encourages the learning of new vulgarities in various languages.
It inspires creative and weirdly brilliant permutations of existing vulgarities.
And more importantly, it REWARDS users of vulgarities who outshines others, not only in terms of innovative usage, but also in terms of quantity. In short, any idiot can excel at my Job if you spew enough vulgarities at regular enough intervals.
I swear, I get people doing my work for me just by swearing!
And like all reward based systems, I did not realize it at first, but I was slowly conditioning myself to become your friendly neighbourhood vulgarities spewing ray of sunshine.
I did not fully get how bad it was until I stubbed my toe at work the other day.
One of my pet methods these days utilizes various combinations of the Hokkien word for a female genitalia that due to the sensitive nature of this blog, I shall simply refer to as scchee scbye, or CB for short. (Note to some: the Breast is not NOT a genitalia <you know who you are>)
Like I said, I stubbed my toe.
ALLEGEDLY, I went on a rampage by stringing together a continuous and uninterrupted stream of “CB”s.
I was in a mass meeting with my Boss.
Hilarity ensued as the whole room went into a laughing frenzy. ALLEGEDLY, I went on swearing amidst the laughter.
I do not know how long I was in this ALLEGED blind rage but a “Friend” claimed he lost count of the number of CBs at 17… A “Friend” who lost count because he was laughing too hard, and NOT because he was busy cupping my mouth.
I liken this act to the Youtube people who instead of saving the baby, FILMED the innocent baby getting crushed by the Giant Tortoise…
Speaking of which, I just remembered some of you Faithful Readers actually have kids that I like…
Please still let me visit your kids….
In other news… today, in a rush to get off work, I mistakenly lathered my body with Vidal Sassoon shampoo (yes, OFF work, I get to shower at work… Deal With It)…
Much hilarity ensued as the flaming red shampoo bottle turned blue….