In the spirit of the season…

heaven in a cup, chocolate, whiskey

I know, I know. I’ve been kinda grouchy the last few posts. So in order not to appear like the grinch, I’ll leave you guys with this picture. It’s as close to a piece of heaven in a cup as I could get.

What is it? It’s dark chocolate melted into a pot of white chocolate and tempered with a dash of Irish Whiskey… Sweet Sweet Sweet.

Will be heading North for the season. So will be leaving this space mostly empty for the next 2 weeks or so. Sortof like reverse migratory birds? Figures right? To be the only ones that are heading into the cold for winter… But that’s me… and that’s why you guys love me so…

Sp, be good, don’t talk to strangers, be in bed by 10 and take lots of photos… We’ll share when the time comes. “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine”

Happy Holidays and have an amazing New Year!

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Om Shanti Om…

Prologue
In summary, this post is about my movie going experience here. This is a relatively long post, dealing with 2 COMPLETELY different issues, so I’ll split it into 2 parts for your convenience. Kinda like how these people still have an intermission during their movies. Yes, it’s true… read on, true believers…. IF you dare…

Part 1
I’ve finally gathered enough courage.

I’ve gone 3 months without watching any movies (at the cinema, there’re many DVDs here… ) (legal ones) (I swear). That is an eternity by my standards. Also, I was taunted by this posters that are everywhere! So I decided that I should just give it a try… Who wants to live forever, right?

Beowulf, Movie Poster street, gaiman

I am a big Gaiman fan…

So I got myself a “Super Premium VIP” ticket ($2) at the local cinema. (Is it me or does “Super Premium VIP” sounds a bit excessive? It’s like the “Wonderful, Spectacular Spiderman” or the “Ultra Incredible Hulk”. These people really like their “Super”s though… They use it to describe anything that is halfway decent…) (“Super Super Man”?). It basically means a “balcony” seat above the “common people”.

Got myself some popcorn ($0.20) and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. (It was… SUPER!!). “GIVE THIS MAN A COIN AND SEND HIM HOME… He has a story to tell…” Sweet, sweet stuff…

Buoyed by the success of this lil endeavor, I decided that since I am already at the cinema, I should (now this is the part where even I have to marvel at my own genius) start a movie marathon! I mean the ticket price is 1/3 of the price back home. So theoretically, I can get a 3 movie marathon for the price of one. And don’t everyone love a bargain?

I’ve decided that the second movie should be Farah Kahn’s “OM SHANTI OM”, since I’ve heard so much good things about it. Also, movies with posters this (intentionally?) tacky cannot be bad. Also, I’ve decided that it was high time I went native…

Om Shanti Om

Went into the cinema again with another popcorn and some drinks ($0.40) and actually enjoyed the movie. The songs were quite awesome. And the acting was so campy that it was fun. I was actually able to catch some of the jokes, despite there being no subtitles! There are times (every time they start a dance sequence), however, when I think I laughed inappropriately (and loudly). Those will be the times when the guys in front of me would turn around and give me “The Look”.

1.5 hours into the show, I started to feel queasy. I think that all good movie marathons should have moments like these. You know, the moment when you REALLY need to go to the toilet but need to find the Appropriate Time so that you will not “miss too much”. I started squirming in my seat… After *spoiler alert* seeing both the male and female lead die in a fire, I figured this is the golden opportunity and DASHED for the emergency exit where the toilet was….

This is only the 2nd time in my life that I’ve actually encountered a solid wall of smell. I mean that quite literally. When I opened the door to the toilet and try to run into it, I was knocked back by this physics- defying (and almost) tangible wall… I think I staggered for a bit. I vaguely remember running to the streets before puking my guts out. Now that is… (priceless)

Intermission

Ask me about the 1st time I’ve encountered this solid wall… It is entertaining, I promise…In fact, that was of a higher level… that was a solid wall of heat AND smell…

Part 2

There was no way in hell I was going back to the cinema again after that.

But I really did enjoy the movie, so I went to the shop next door and got the DVD for it.

Went back home, popped it in and sat through the first half again. Yes, it is THAT good… just suspend all your beliefs in that lil thing called “Reality” and take in the songs and the dances. Incredibly Campy fun. I think I laughed more at this than I did during Kungfu Hustle. That’s saying a lot because I think that Kungfu Hustle is a comedic Masterpiece of our time… (Besides Nacho Libre of course). Anyway, the time code on the disc reads 1 hour 40 minutes, so I thought, ok, I did not miss too much of the movie after all…

I started noticing something was wrong when the main characters only *spoiler alert* started dying at the 1 hour 35 minutes mark!!! So for the next 5 minutes I was cursing and swearing… Sure that I was ripped off and that this lousy dvd will end before the end… but at the 1 hour 40 minute mark, something happened… it… skipped to the NEXT track… which is another 1 hour 40 minutes long!! Apparently, after the main characters die, they *BIG SPOILER ALERT – TURN BACK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE…* got Reincarnated???? What the Fuck????? Yes, it’s true…. Only in Bollywood…

Epilogue

So the moral of the story?

Clear your bowels before going for a movie marathon, and

don’t drink too much dubious chai… I think I might’ve gotten my first Diarrhoea since I got here… And boy, did it announce its arrival with a bang (not THAT literally)…

The Cinema OM Shanti Om

The main PR of this show revolves around Shah Rukh Kahn’s 40 year old abs… And to be honest, I can see why…

I hate Shopping…

I do… I hate shopping… with a vengence…

For people who know me, that should not come as too much of a surprise. My mood just plummet and I’ll be grouchy if I need to shop for an extended period of time (anything more than 10 minutes). I know the best thing to do in dark times like these would be to sulk, grit my teeth and just get the damn Christmas shopping over with, therein ensuring joy to the world and good will towards mankind.

But the thing is… Misery loves company…

Normally, my bubble of personal space is quite malleable. I’m ok with people squeezng really close to me (especially really beautiful ones… I digress…) because, quite simply, I’m not that territorial. But when I’m in a dark mood, this invisible bubble seems to explode outwards exponentially. So if yo u do shit near me (anywhere within my visual range) you WILL get shit.

This includes You who was spitting out of a moving bus. Have you even consider the people ON THE SIDEWALK??? And do you really have that much spittle that you have to do that THREE times on a 10 minute bus ride????

And also You who budged into my taxi, trying to negotiate a partial deal with my driver WITHOUT even a glance in my direction.

And also You who quoted me a ridiculous price for pirated shades. Yes, normally I think a (short) bargaining process is fun. But if you start off with a price that is 50 times higher than normal, You are just asking for it. I will not do business with anyone who takes me for an idiot. And Yes, I will shove you if you block my way.

And last but certainly not least (in fact, I’ll say Most since You got the biggest earful from me), You who skipped my queue. Yes, I am in line and pressing so close against me when there is so much space behind will not make me move. No, shimmying pass me will only ensure a big, humiliating Earful from me.

I don’t think any of You will be reading this, but I’ll like to apologize for ticking You off(and then some) for behaving like the lil imbecilic kids that You are.

Ho ho friggin ho…

Genius!

Now, why haven’t WE thought of this???

Saw this in a shopping mall…. I don’t think I’m the only one who has been caught outside, in urgent need of a recharge, right?

Charger, phone, genius idea

Yes, now is a good time to call in the Ignorance Police. Let me know if you have seen THIS anywhere around back home.

Also, Nokia seems to be the market leader here, judging from this panel… 3 Nokias, 1 Samsung, 1 Sony Ericsson….

Brother Jinn Lamp Seller

Saw this huge sign on a corner of Jew Street (I know of at least 3 in this region) (Jew Streets, not Signs) (or Corners) (Haha). As part of my lifelong search for Aladdin’s lamp and being a general sucker, of course I have to check it out!

Saw this lovely place around the corner and started snapping photos. The owner saw this, smiled broadly and through hand gestures, invited me to take a photo of him in his shop. I’ve been getting a lot of these, so I obliged. [although I have no idea why they would want their photos taken in the camera of a stranger that they’ll (probably) never see again]. After taking the photos, he invited me in for chai and we started to talk…

pretty lanterns pretty lanterns

Or rather we attempted to. I am a complete idiot when it comes to the local language and he is not that conversant in English as well…

After a long time of trying to understand each other (mostly through hand signalling, and my favorite… talking REALLY loudly until the other concedes and nod their head in agreement) , I found out that his name is Jinn… (Also, he passed me his name card) Hence the name of the shop. I do not know the reason for Brother though. So it is Brother Jinn… Lamp Seller, instead of Brother… Jinn Lamp… Seller… Damn….

I spent the next half hour sitting there sipping my tea. He went around supervising his workers while they make the lamps. Halfway through, he invited me to try making a lamp. I have very low confidence when it comes to art and crafts. I enjoy doing it, but I’m always afraid that the recipients will take one look at the creation, shriek in horror (or worse, laugh out loud) and throw it away. I mean I know they won’t. NORMALLY, they’re too nice. They leave the laughing and throwing till when I’m gone.

But today, I felt really good. Today, as I sat there laying the wires and gluing the paper, I am finally convinced that my hands are made of legs. (Super glue has that effect on people sometimes…) The guy beside me finished 5 lanterns (I counted!) in the time it took me to finish my (flimsy) one

No matter, it was fun….

Even though I really couldn’t understand the instructions he was giving me. I had to keep glancing at the guy beside me (thereby slowing him down and he can ONLY finish 5 in 20 minutes)
Disappointment #2? I did not find Aladdin’s lamp

Brother Jinnand his minions

Advertisements are not truthful?

Is it me? Or does this advertisement seem wrong to you?

untruthful advertisement, funny

I think there are a few reasons that might’ve contributed to the creation of this (funny) advertisement

1) Really bad copy-writing.

2) (Semi) blind copy-writer… Come on! Age and this picture does not come together at all!!! She’s hot!

3) The morals of this society has degraded to such dangerous levels that this might be the picture they have in their heads of old people. Not that I am saying old people cannot be this hot of course.

4) My personal belief…. That this is secretly an ad for men. Buy XXX product and this is what you’re getting for the night. hubba hubba.

Choose your poison…