I’ve mentioned earlier that this is the examination period, which to me, normally means me using what I’ve learnt so far and applying scientific knowledge, to explore, and exceed, the limits of common sense.

Almost exactly 24 hours ago, I was sitting at this exact same spot with a very big problem. I cannot concentrate on the study materials I have on my desk. There were minor distractions like I was online, the TV was on and my eyes were technically glued to my PSP, but let’s not get started on these.

I knew I had less than 8 hours left to finish revising 21 topics for this morning’s paper. Now many people, faced with this problem, would solve it via some low-tech, unscientific method such as switching off all distractions, find a quiet spot and diligently plow through an average of (21 / 8 = ) 2.625 topics per hour. Having decided long that I am not “many people”, I rationally made the decision to maximize my studying by – remember, this seems like the most wonderful idea at that point of time – Google “Concentration methods exams -porn”.

Now, I know anyone who is reading this might be rubbing your hands in glee thinking “I know where this is heading…” and you would be right, there is “concentration pornography” … it’s intense, but that’s a topic for another day.

Anyway, I found out that one of the “New Age” methods of focusing is by self hypnosis. It seems interesting, and one of my lecturers was mentioning that very day about how he uses yoga and meditation to get into a trance-like state when he really needs to concentrate on a task at hand. I figured that it must be fate that I found this article (and also, hypnosis is a million times more interesting than “Advanced Electromagnetic Waves”. Imagine the power I’ll have!!).

I spent the next 2 hours reading up on self-hypnosis and how it can affect your outlook and mental landscape. It can change the way you look at things. You’ll be able to induce “frames” of mind at will and “wield your mind like the powerful tool that it is” (Direct Quote). Testimonials from people who believe reports improved creativity, higher success rates at quitting bad habits, painless child birth, etc… Do you know what that means? Yes, I effectively have (8 – 2 =) 6 hours left to study for my exams…

In summary, I’ll list some of the facts I’ve learnt. It’s by no means extensive, but it should get you started:

a) No matter how accomplished a real hypnotist is, he cannot make a grown man flap like a chicken. And if anybody tells you anything otherwise, he’s a dirty liar.

b) Hypnosis is a Science and treated very seriously in what I should refer to as “Some Circles” or “Non Dirty Liars”.

c) That you can “put yourself under” at the comfort and convenience of your own home for as little as $29 per pop. Payable by VISA and Mastercard (to Non Dirty Liars, of course). There is no mention of how you can bring yourself over again.

That, for me is the big deal breaker. Imagine going through all the time, effort AND money to learn the skill of hypnosis and just when you are trying it out, realize that you are not able to make a grown man flap like a chicken?

So I decided to stop, at least until the next test comes up. It is a very fascinating subject but one thing still bugs me…

Did I make you google “Concentration pornography”?

Or memorize some useless fact to pass an exam. This Calvin and Hobbes piece would spring to my mind, once again proving the eternal (hey… 10 years is a pretty long time if you’re my age…) wisdom of Bill Watterson…

And at the same time proving how ill disciplined I am.

And how easy it is to distract oneself when the Internet is on.

And how much rubbish one can spew when you’re on a roll.

And how many sentences you can start with “and” if you ignore all grammatical and sentence structuring rules.

And how I am going to fail a killer exam if I continue typing this nonsense.

And how I should stop pushing my luck…

And end here.

And hope for the best.

And prepare to forget all this nonsense once this is over.

I’m pretty sure I lost my train of thought somewhere now…