Company that I could really work with

3 posts in 1 day has got to be a record.

I’ve mentioned before that THIS is a company that I could really work for.

Youtubing today further reinforced my point.

Being environmentally friendly and socially responsible is a Big icing on the cake.

Also, they have truly creative ways to solve old problems. According to the Google blog, they “have some fields that we need to mow occasionally to clear weeds and brush to reduce fire hazard”. Ordinary people (meaning people like you and I) would’ve just taken out a lawn mower to get rid of the grass. But not Google.

They used goats to mow the lawn. True story.

No wonder it is one of the Fortune 100 companies to work for.

If I haven’t declared it yet:

I would do almost anything to work for Google!

The Other Day, I was propositioned to be a Gigolo

Ok… Social escort… po-tay-toes, po-tah-toes.

It might not sound like a big deal to some of you (after all I AM pretty awesome), but believe me, in my list of “Things that are not very likely to happen to me”, it is ALMOST right up there with “Angelina Jolie offering herself to me”

And the story goes…

Apparently, there was a discussion about 2 years back on what a few of my colleagues were going to do, should we ever leave our current job. A few random ideas were thrown about, mostly dealing with business that we can go into.

ALLEGEDLY, I went into a passionate rhetoric on the plausibility of the social escort business that one of them actually took me seriously. Yup, I think in some not so small nor subtle ways, I might’ve talked my friend into becoming a pimp.

What can I say? I have a strong influence on people…

Now that THAT is crossed off my list, I just need to wait for Angelina to contact me.

An Idiot’s Guide to Vulgarities

The Workplace is a hotbed for vulgarities.

It encourages the learning of new vulgarities in various languages.

It inspires creative and weirdly brilliant permutations of existing vulgarities.

And more importantly, it REWARDS users of vulgarities who outshines others, not only in terms of innovative usage, but also in terms of quantity. In short, any idiot can excel at my Job if you spew enough vulgarities at regular enough intervals.

I swear, I get people doing my work for me just by swearing!

And like all reward based systems, I did not realize it at first, but I was slowly conditioning myself to become your friendly neighbourhood vulgarities spewing ray of sunshine.

I did not fully get how bad it was until I stubbed my toe at work the other day.

One of my pet methods these days utilizes various combinations of the Hokkien word for a female genitalia that due to the sensitive nature of this blog, I shall simply refer to as scchee scbye, or CB for short.  (Note to some: the Breast is not NOT a genitalia <you know who you are>)

Like I said, I stubbed my toe.

ALLEGEDLY,  I went on a rampage by stringing together a continuous and uninterrupted stream of “CB”s.

I was in a mass meeting with my Boss.

Hilarity ensued as the whole room went into a laughing frenzy. ALLEGEDLY, I went on swearing amidst the laughter.

I do not know how long I was in this ALLEGED blind rage but a “Friend” claimed he lost count of the number of CBs at 17… A “Friend” who lost count because he was laughing too hard, and NOT because he was busy cupping my mouth.

I liken this act to the Youtube people who instead of saving the baby, FILMED the innocent baby getting crushed by the Giant Tortoise…

Speaking of which, I just remembered some of you Faithful Readers actually have kids that I like…

Please still let me visit your kids….

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In other news… today, in a rush to get off work, I mistakenly lathered my body with Vidal Sassoon shampoo (yes, OFF work, I get to shower at work… Deal With It)…

Much hilarity ensued as the flaming red shampoo bottle turned blue….

Ramly vs The McChicken

Today was one of those day at work where the day doesn’t seem like it could ever end.

5 hours of Overtime later, I was on my way home, only to learn that the Family didn’t prepare my dinner for me.

So, on the spur of the moment, I decided that today would be Burger Night.

Tugging the $5 note I have in my pocket, I got myself a Ramly Burger and a McChicken Sandwich.  Now, I know there are many uneducated, unhealthy idiots out there who will consider these fat, greasy burgers as a complete meal unto themselves and I must confess I am one of them.

I mean come on, a standard burger consists of ingredients from the 3 food groups essential in a healthy and well rounded diet, namely: meat, vegetables and mayonise.

So how do these 2 burgers fare against each other? Because I’ve just had a taste of both, I decided to come up with a head to head comparison between the two. (Also because I need to take my mind off the cranium destroying work stuff)

Many would claim that the only test that matters would be the Taste of the burgers, I beg to differ. A good burger consist of so many other factors, so I’ve split the head to head comparison into a few categories and I’ll start with the most important, namely…

TASTE

I’m sure many would agree that McDonald’s does not sell the best burgers in the world, yet they sell the most. A McChicken is…. safe. You can have a McChicken at ANY McDonald’s and it will taste of fried chicken patty, barely frest lettuce and mayonise. A Ramly burger on the other hand is a total surprise depending on who you buy it from. There can be 5 Ramly stores at the local Pasar Malam and there’ll be 5 different tasting Ramly Burgers.

And that’s not necessarily a good thing…

The first bite into a Ramly Burger is always an adventure. As the burger’s sauce spills out into your mouth, you have roughly 3 seconds before the taste hits you. As a wise man once said… “You never know what you’re gonna get”

Winner: RAMLY, by a whisker (because it was my lucky day). My Ramly had a sourish vineger taste, mixed with the sweetness of the mayonise and the spiciness of the Ramly powder… which tastes good… and could have gone all the way down the other lane any other day.

PRESENTATION

See picture above… The McChicken was smartly wrapped in a paper wrapper while the Ramly was… you know there’s this tagline by another fast food joint about finger lickin’? Ramly good use that tagline too

Winner: McChicken

PRICE

McChicken: $2

Ramly : $3

Winner: Duh… the extra $1 could’ve gotten me an Apple Pie… (Mmmm… Apple Pie)

Ingredients

McChicken: Bun, Chicken, Lettuce, Mayonise

Ramly: Bun, Chicken, Mayonise, Cheese, lettuce, a whole buncha sauce that I do not even wanna think about…

Winner: You have to ask yourself, are you feeling lucky?? Well are you punk??

There concludes my head to head comparision. I guess the first question most people would ask would be… what about the Whopper?

Sorry dudes, it’s a fight that’s strictly between burgers that cost under $3 only.

And another observation you might have made is that there must be something wrong with this guy to use movie quotes for a review on food… what can I say, except “Big Kahuna Burger” to that.

Yes Yes, I know there is no “Overall Winner”. Hey Mc D! Give me some freebies and I’ll declare you the winner. *nudge*

$15 milkshake

Over the previous weekend, I paid $15 for a milkshake.

You know that scene in “Pulp Fiction” where John Travolta was amazed that Uma Thurman would order a $5 milkshake, which essentially consisted of milk and ice cream?

Uma Thurman let Travolta have a taste of her milkshake (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!) (which to my shame is a joke I just got) and Travolta have to admit that it was an unbelievable shake? (His exact words were “goddamn, that’s a pretty fucking good milkshake”, if I don’t remember wrongly…) (total geekdom exposed) (again)

Well… I had almost the same feeling after tasting the shake I ordered.

It was TOTALLY unbelievable a shake could taste like that and still cost $15. (here, I am trying to write the $15 in caps, but the only way I would be able to do it is FIFTEEN DOLLARS, which does not seem to have the same impact. I digress…)

Granted, it looked pretty cool… with choco balls and a friggin Kit Kat sitting on top of the cup, but still… it’s a milk shake!

Anyway, the background of the whole story is that the Girlfriend and I decided to take a day out to explore this lil private island south of the Homeland, and in total accordance with our grand scheme to save money, decided to eat at a restaurant that serves $15 milkshakes.

And $10 pot pies…

And $12 salads….

Yup, along with the $0 ice water, we were the epitome of thrift.

Of restaurants with $15 milkshakes, fresh salads, hot chicken pies on an island with artsy windmills, wide open fields and a superb seaview to match

The island itself however, was pretty cool. You can check out the too cool for school windmills up there. Along with sprawling (albeit super tiny) fields of green and the surrounding marina, it was a little haven tucked away in a corner of the city.

For all my whining, it was actually a pretty good way to spend a lazy weekend afternoon.

I suppose if you really want to thrift it up, you can just order the bread ($3 for a loaf that comes with spread) and order the $5 coffee, which I heard is pretty goddamn good too.

Essentially, for $8, you can sit by the little cosy bakery restaurant with a newspaper/magazine/book, watching the sun set on boats that are owned by people who will think nothing of a $15 milkshake.

That’s not bitterness.

It’s just the little choco balls.

Today I learnt that…

Being a Boyfriend is like being in a multiplication equation.

No matter how much good the Boyfriend had been before, the moment he does something Wrong, he’ll forever and ever be known as the “Bad Boyfriend”.

It doesn’t matter how many positive things comes before that, it just happens. It’s a negative sign that cannot be taken away…

Hmm…

Maybe that means that doing another Wrong thing will reverse the Negativity…

Interesting…

Childhood Dreams

Was watching a program on TV recently (yes, that’s where we get all our education from, isn’t it?). It’s an interview with kids and what they want to be when they grow up. It’s refreshing, in a way, when you hear ol favourite answers such as “astronauts, police, doctors, teachers, reporters” etc…

It’s something that we tend to forget when we “grew up”. It’s something that was thrown out the window when life and pragmatism came along, bowled you over and kicked your teeth out. When you realized that it is “unrealistic” or “not practical” to go for these dreams. That it is more important to satisfy your stomach than it is to fulfill your “kiddish” goals.

Do you still remember what YOU wanted to be when you grow up?

And if I ask you now what you want to be, would your answer be “Rich”?

And what does it mean to be “Rich”, exactly?

Just browsed through a copy of “The 4 Hour Workweek” by Timothy Ferriss recently. He challenged the fact that people want to be rich in cash. He claims that

“$1,000,000 in the bank isn’t the fantasy. The fantasy is the lifestyle of complete freedom it supposedly allows.”

He talked about the “Nouveau Riche”, a class of people that do not want to wait till retirement to enjoy the “fruits of their labor”, but rather using technology and some dirty tricks, earn money while taking “mini retirements” throughout their lives.

Sounds good to me so far.

But the truth of the matter is that a lot of us don’t have the stomach for “dirty tricks”.

According to my favorite Wikipedia, Nouveau Riche (French for “new rich”), or new money, also refers to a person who has acquired considerable wealth within his or her generation. While I disdain people (me included) who slave for money in jobs they loath, I believe a job and job satisfaction are crucial in the overall happiness of a person.

I think some of the happiest people in the world are those that truely enjoy what they are doing. Don’t know how true this is, but apparently Warren “I don’t really need any more money” Buffett was quoted as saying

‘I tap-dance into work, and then I read and talk on the phone for seven or eight hours, and then I go home and read some more,”

I think that would be my perfect definition of Nouveau Riche.

You know you’re getting old when…

the parties you’re invited to no longer requires you to dress up and put on your contact lens to impress.

Rather, they involve persons who are younger than your contact lens and who would be most impressed if you dress up as the Tellytubbies.

How far the mighty have fallen….

You know something’s wrong in the world when…

“Hulk” tops “”John Lennon” as the most read post in your entire blog.

Not that there is anything wrong with the Hulk, of course…

You know you’re getting old when…

You get just the SLIGHTEST bit upset that your phone does not have the word “rewind” in its auto spell function.

Yes… there is such a word as REWIND!

It was on my walkman

Being there…

One of the nature of The Job is that I could be uncontactable for days on end.

For the most part, this is ok (sometimes even a blessing in disguise)

But there are times when you look back and think… Is the Job really worth missing out on some things in life? Is it worth not being there for some things that are happening? Is it worth the time away from your family and loved ones?

Someone much wiser than me said recently. “Almost everything that you can dream of is achievable. Anything can be done. But thing is… there’s a price to everything. The only question you need to ask is… Are you willing to pay the price?”

For the most part, the rewards (not just monetary) I’ve gotten from the job outweighs the price I’ve been paying. Sure, I’ve missed celebrating at home during the Festivals, had not been able to make it to several weddings that should’ve been significant to me (not mine la), and have not seen some close friends for too long than is healthy. But, as I’ve said, on the most part, it is ok. The rewards have been outweighing the price.

The things that really matters. The potential “Instant Job Quitting Triggers”, however, are something else altogether.

One thing I hate more than anything else is not being able to be somewhere that I am needed.

Somewhere where my presence might make a difference.

A difference to people that matters to me, at least.

And today was one of those days.

Really really guts me to know that someone whom I care about was not able to contact me for the whole day just because I was goddamn working.

And that I could’ve made a difference but didn’t because of the Job.

And that I could’ve made a difference to someone that matters a whole lot but didn’t because of the Job.

This just plain sucks.

You know you’re getting old when…

A “Birthday” entry in your calender literally means that your friend is giving birth on that day…

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

How do you perceive people who are handicapped? Or politically correctly speaking..physically disabled?

Mind.. I have no axe to grind with them but was watching a news article on a community event. It’s a ‘healthy lifestyle’ campaign and ‘for the first time!’, physically disabled individuals are part of the event.

This is followed by the usual sound bites about how they’re  physically disabled but are still socially and mentally active. How many of such sound bites have we heard from ANY events that physically disabled people participate in?

Must we,as a society be reminded of this so often? And more importantly, is this a truly accurate portrayal? How many handicapped person do you personally know that are so positive? Are we putting light the inconveniences (and anguish?) they actually feel? Or are we trying to convince ourselves that they can fend for themselves and that we are looking out for them?

Many  questions? I don’t have any of the answers.

But it’s just something to chew on as I narrate the closing sequence of said news piece. The reporter stood in front of 2 portable toilet units and  said with a perfectly  straight face,”the organisers EVEN rented these 2 toilets that are custom made for the handicapped”

Pardon my pom poms