Green Lantern SUCKS!!!

Or how Marvel is kicking DC’s bloated ass in the cinemas when it comes to earning brownie points from fan boys’.

To be honest, out of all the summer comic book based blockbusters, Green Lantern was the one that I was most eagerly anticipating.

And what do I get? An overly loud, grossly pointless, highly forgettable and obscenely disappointing run-of-the-mill Hollywood swill.

Looking over at exhibit B… We have X-Men: First Class that I expected to Suck. I mean, come on… They destroyed all notions of conformance with the comic books by putting Havok, Banshee and Darwin(??!!!) on Xavier’s first team; they mixed and matched (what they think are) the coolest mutants to put in the show, changing the gender and race (Angel) or color and name (Azazel/Nightcrawler) when they have to; worst of all, we have a non-bald Prof X…and that is just wrong.

Yet… in spite of all that, First Class appeared to be stronger of the two films. At the very least. it was the one that I enjoyed more…

So what happened?

I put it down to one word: Simplicity…

I believe DC’s characters have the richer history (or non history) when compared to Marvel’s…

Probably because of this, they tried to dump EVERY Obscure Comic Book History Info into this one film, sowing seeds for what they hope would be taken up in the inevitable sequel (Hello Sinestro). But since it is impossible to cram 50 years of history into one two hour film, they started taking creative “liberties” and changing comic book canon. The alternative explanation is that the writers are too lazy to read through all  50 years of comic and came up with a script based on their own understanding.

In spite of all this, they seem to expect:
A) non fans to follow
B) fans to not complain that they got the history wrong
C) everyone else to not be confused to a point where they give up

Case in point… The villains.

For First Class, we have ex Nazi Kevin Bacon, I mean Sebastian Shaw leading a bunch of evil mutant to incite a nuclear war to hasten the growth of mutanity. There are side plots.. But they are simple and does not distract from the main storyline

For Green Lantern… We have *drum roll* PARALLAX that is possessed by Krona (???!!! Or is it the other way round?) and Hector Hammond. I am a Green Lantern fan and I am hard-pressed if you want me to tell you the whole history of Parallax and Krona in two hours. It is simply too complicated and you reeeeaaally have to follow canon to understand it. YET DC tried VERY unsuccessfully to do that amidst the narrative to flesh out Hal Jordan and the rest of the Corp in that same time frame. Tall order… Is it any wonder they crashed and burned?

Also, a bit of fan service doesn’t hurt either…

Even if it is to tell people to go f*ck themselves…

Totally Suckered

Be still, my beating heart. I think I might have just found my Movie-of-2011.

In all sense of the word, this film reeks of “Exploitation”, or should I say “Sexploitation”.

The (awesome) trailer features every fantasy a pubescent boy could dream of… and then some…

First off, there are the Girls. Girls dressed in ALMOST every form of outfit that would not look out of place in Hugh Hefner’s mansion (Dominatrix Leather, Catholic School girl, GI Jane with Fishnets, Warrior Princess, Steam Punk/Princess Leia mix)

Then there are the machines and weapons. Guns, Katanas, Broadswords, pistols, zero fighters, Zeppelins and what looks like a deformed Big Daddy with a bunny face on it.

Last, and definitely not least, there are the Samurai Robot Zombies (Never thought I’ll see the day when I get to see these three awesome words side by side).

I am just amazed that Someone took this long for someone to go “Hey, you know what’s a good idea? Putting them all together in a two hour feature!”

I’m just not sure it is such a good thing that this Someone is Zack Snyder. Although he completely lobotomized Watchmen, he did come up with the delightful Sunday afternoon family flick, “Dawn of the Dead” and the absolutely drool worthy “300″ (of course, I meant this in the most ungay way possible). Apparently, this will be his first totally original production. Judging from the trailer, we would be expecting quote worthy gems, such as:

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

Ouch!

But like I’ve said, the dialogue is probably the last thing on your mind when you talk about a movie like “Sucker Punch”. I’m trying very hard not to read any news or watch any more trailers for the show as I really want to be hit by the duh-ness of the script while I watch those big beautiful things flash before my eyes. I am talking about the comic-book-styled multiple combination posters of course.

I predict that these will be the most wallpapered (snigger) posters in teenage boys’ rooms this summer.

And who can blame them? For now, the movie really does look like it has EVERYTHING. The only thing missing is probably an onscreen cat fight between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

Did I mention the Girls?

In every form of fantasy outfit available to Mankind?

I mean what’s the worst that can happen?

It is slowly turning out to be like the spiritual successor of one of my other favorite movies of all time.

2007′s “Dead or Alive”.

A pure sword-and-breast, shamelessly B grade, sexploitation flick, if there ever was one.

What’s not to love?

THOR THOR THOR THOR Thor.. thor?

Ok. Fine, I am not really such a big fan of grotesque re-presentations of Norse legends.

But I thought I should give Marvel a chance after my uncharacteristic raving at the trailer for the Green Lantern movie.

Let’s Mash Things Up!

Seems like the cool things to do in movies these days is to take 2 seemingly unrelated genres and mash them together.

While B grade horror flicks have been doing that for decades (Think… Freddy vs Jason, Anaconda vs Shark, BearShark vs Octopus (Simply Brilliant)), but now we have big name directors… i mean EXECUTIVE directors such as Steven Spielberg coming onboard for projects such as this….

COWBOYS AND ALIENS!!!

How awesome is this??? It has James Bond, Indiana Jones and.. the pretty girl from House in it too. Seems like a pretty good budgeted flick to me.

Speaking of mash ups, of course, there is also my next anticipated film below.

Fantasy meet…. wait for it… stoner flick! From the director of my personal winner of 2009′s most awesome stoner flick award  (Pineapple Express).

Plus it features Natalie Portman’s half naked @$$ (see trailer)

I am sold!

GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN GREEN LANTERN

Yeah…. what the title says….

Perfect 10 movies in 2010?

As 2009 draws to a close, it is time to look forward. The movie going experience seems to only get better. In 2010, I predict movies featuring bigger explosions, more boombastic CGI effects, men with bigger guns and gals with bigger… fun.

A shortlist of what I think are Hollywood’s most promising trailers for 2010 so far…

I’ve already spoke about Iron Man 2. The trailer does not disappoint. It is as loud and just as flashy as I expected it to be.

I am a SUCKER for greek mythology so Clash of the Titans is definitely up there on my “Must watch” list. Of course, there is also that ripped off sound bite of “UNLEAAAASH THE KRAKEN”! Somehow, the voice of Aslan makes it sound slightly more authoritative than Bill Nighy’s rendition in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Prince of Persia – Loved the game, have some doubts about the show. Trailer looks promising though… Has a very… Pirates of the Caribbean (again) feel to it, doesn’t it? Might just be the show to prove that shows based on games need not necessarily suck… Also, it’s done by Disney… that must mean something…

And finally, what I think might be the underdog comic movie of the year.

KICKASS!!

The trailer looks to be an ALMOST exact panel by panel port from the comic book, a la Sin City, 300 and Watchmen. Good call… except for the slight “ALMOST”. Probably due to rating issues, it does not seem as… gory as the original. Shall have to see how this works out…

Movie Magic

This has got to be one of the most innovative movie trailers I’ve seen recently…

My only complain is that the editor for this particular trailer, like a lot of other trailer editors in recent times, seemed to have an ingrained and deeply felt prejudiced against people who do not suffer from epileptic fits. It is really disconcerting watching fade to blacks at cut throat speed.

As a movie, District 9 is a bit hard to categorize.

I suppose it is considered more or less “mainstream Hollywood”, but it’s production budget is peanuts compared to the amount catered for brainless Hollywood “blow em ups” (I’m looking at you Transformers and GI Joe).

It’s an alien gore flick (think Predator, Mimic and…. ermm… yes, Alien) but the people running scared are the Aliens.

It’s a sort of apocalyptic disaster flick that is… *gasp* not set in America.

More importantly, it is one of those “multi layered” shows with a Message… yet… fun.

It’s one of those shows that everyone can find something to like or find something to hate.

Some “Critics”, which incidentally comes from the German words “cri” meaning “people who are” and “tics” meaning “blood sucking insects”, will no doubt scoff at yet another mainstream “brainless explosion filled” Hollywood flick being churned out of the mass production factory. Yet, some of them will rave about the “parallels to history” and the what a “dark satire” the film is.

Mainstream Hollywood flickers will hate the fact that there is a thinly veiled Message in the midst of their brainless explosions.

Regardless, I love the fact that even though Neill Blomkamp seems to have a Message to spread, the film does not take itself too seriously.

While it is no Iron Man, the special effects are pretty good given the (relatively) tight budget for the film. I HATE gore, but after getting used to the fun and innovative ways the show explodes people/aliens, it actually started becoming quite funny. The term “popping like popcorns” come to mind.

Best of all, I love its narrative structure. Just check out the first 20 minute of the film which sets up the rest of the show using purely “news footage”.

All in all, one of the best films I’ve seen this year.

ONE OF the best films, the other being Pixar’s Up, of course.

I don’t think the Girlfriend will ever forgive me if I did not at least give it a special mention. It’s sweet and, well… buoyant (pun TOTALLY intended).

I love how Pixar is able to tell a story and make you feel, really FEEL for the characters, even without dialogues. They have some master story tellers there that can tell a life’s tale in just 10 minutes. The story of Carl and Ellie has to be one of the most poignant and bitter sweet short films I’ve ever seen. I’m practically guaranteed buckets of tears every time she-who-shall-not-be-named watches it…. Much like the ending sequence for Tim Burton’s Big Fish.

Like District 9, the visuals were truly stunning. Watching it in 3D (yes, with the dorky glasses) makes the experience even more vivid. It makes you just wanna reach out and grab some of them balloons off the screen.

And these 2 films, when you put them beside some of the brainless explosion filled flicks (I’m looking at you, Transformers and GI Joe) just showed that awesome CGI is just a tool for superb story telling. You cannot have a hot bod without a soul.

It’s amazing how much special effects have improved over the past 100 years. It’s not readily apparent. It’s like watching a tortoise grow. And you don’t realize it’s a big turtle until you put photos of the turtles all side by side.

Stupid Roald Dahl reference…

But all the special effects in the world is nothing without heart.

So, here’s to more movies with heart and soul. Awesome visuals help too.

Sell out

The corruption of Chow Yun Fatt is complete!

Just when you thought he couldn’t sink any lower, he decided to take on the role of Master Roshi in the… wait for it… live action version of Dragonball!

We’re talking about THIS GUY

The perverted 100+++ year old master of Son Goku.

In recent years, the technology for CGI and make up in Hollywood has improved by leap and bounds. Over the past 10 years, we’ve seen thin men playing fat men, young women playing old women, old women botoxed young, beautiful models playing ugly slobs, George W Bush playing human.

So, I awaited with bated breath (no, seriously, no) to see how Hollywood would transform the suave and once sexy Xiao Ma Ge into the sun-glass wearing, moustachioed pervert. And Hollywood does not disappoint..

Voila!

I couldn’t even recognised him in that Hawaiian shirt.

And yes, I know he put on a bit of weight, but to call him fat on an official publicity poster is just too mean, even by Hollywood standards.

Anyway, the movie is called Dragonball Evolution, and here is the official trailer…

I’ve mentioned before about the futility of “Based On” movies that do not follow the source material. And I guess this is as far to this extreme as it goes.

Scrunch Scrunch.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of fan boys’ panties bunching together.

I mean, seriously, a stoner Goku? Not to diss the actor, I’m sure it’s the director’s direction to portray him this way. I’m pretty sure that guy is a good actor… after all, he played bit characters in such classics as The Chumscrubbers and Baby Geniuses 2.All the Kamehames in the world could not save this nonsense. (I just realised I added this line in to establish my geeky street cred, again)

While I’m on this topic, I decided to check in on another movie I’ve spoke about before. Kristin Kreuk’s LEGEND OF CHUN LI!!!!

For all my dissing and skeptism, the trailer don’t look half bad…

It looks all bad. (I am so lame)

So why do I continue following these movies? Well… it’s like not being able to look away from the proverbial train wreck.

Now the question is… which movie would stink up 2009 more?

Now, for something (almost) completely different… something that unbundled MY panties…

All the characters intro to Streetfighter 4!

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yup, almost the whole gang is back in cool next gen graphics. I love the detailed expressions on the characters’ faces when they get pummeled. (Dan’s is exceptionally priceless). And as always, I am glad that Fei Long finally get to move like Bruce Lee…

Definitely something worth looking forward to.

The curious story of the strangely long sleeves

Just came back from a Kungfu Rollicking good time with the Girlfriend at the cinemas.

Caught Donnie Yen’s biopic on the apparently legendary Kungfu master, Ip Man. “Apparently” because, to be honest, this is the first time I’ve actually heard of this guy. But of course, the movie industry being what it is, they are quick to point out that he is the master of Bruce Lee.

They are quick to point it out on the movie posters, in the newspaper reviews, in the trailers, in the TV spots, in the show itself, in the newspaper releases, on the cat, in the car and about anywhere they can find a flat surface to print on.

I am not perturbed by this, but if I see one more mention of him being the master of Bruce Lee, I’ll *&^*&%$$&#)#

Yeah, anyway, back to the movie. I’ll like to write a review about it, but someone has already done a much better job at it than I have. So in the words of the sagely Carl Douglas…

Everybody was Kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In  fact it was a a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

They were funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It’s an ancient Chineese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

It’s a cool movie in the sense that it accomplishes what it does – tells a compelling and thought provoking life story of the life journey of this legendary man that establishes Ip Man as the master of Bruce Lee.

*&^*&%$$&#)#

Haha. I kid, of course….

It’s an out and out action flick with the kungfu fights sequences coming as fast and furious as Donnie Yen’s punches (Boo Yeah!). The action sequences are superbly cheorographed. The clumsy, rushed and brutal fighting style of Donnie Yen’s various opponents are contrasted against Donnie Yen’s stylish, slow and refined to the point of womanly Wing Chun style.

Now before the Wing Chun practitioners out there start getting there Kungfu panties in a bunch, and I get my ass handed to me, I have to say that I am very sure the movie is very well researched and the style is accurate to the true Wing Chun, but I just wish that in the pre-requisite circling of his numerous opponents, Donnie Yen would just <<SPOILER ALERT!!! DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO FIND OUT THAT DONNIE YEN FOLDS HIS SLEEVES A LOT IN THE SHOW>> stop folding those goddamn sleeves. That’s how refined Donnie Yen’s Wing Chun is. He tries very hard to win each and every opponent of his in a fair fight and not accidentally suffocate them to death with his physics and reality defying long sleeves.

Like I said, the action was superb and it was followed closely by the lavish sets. The sets were well designed and gave off enough of the old time chic to make me swoon… for a while… (I have a reputation to look after). The pre Japanese Invasion set reminds me of scenes from Kungfu Hustle and Jet Li’s Fearless (Both which I love). They were vibrant, bright (in a sepia, duo chrome kinda way) and bustling with activities, while the post Invasion set  totally contrasted that with the dilapidation and falling apart of these very same scenes.

Story-wise, it was a bit too “all over the place” for me. It’s as if the director’s having too many sub plots that he just had to put in. Damn if they do not fit in the overall flow of the story. There are the occasional funny sequences, and some scenes that throws more light on some of the more minor characters, but overall, the dialogue and scenes are steeped in melodrama. Also, I am not too sure how historically accurate this “biopic” actually is.

But who cares right?

That’s not what this movie is about.

It’s all about the long sleeves, baby!

Boo Yeah.

And Bruce Lee, of course…. *&^*&%$$&#)#

who makes a grand total of <<SPOILER ALERT!!>> 1 photo appearance in the entire show.

2009 is gonna be a great year for movies

And here I thought Watchmen will be the only movie I’ll be eagerly anticipating…

Adaptation of the most “it can’t possibly be meant for kids” scary kiddy book that I’ve ever read….  And totally in stop motion…

And is it just me, or does authors have the most awesome jobs in the entire world????

Holy Balls of Blue!

Just watched this and it got my panties all bunched up… hmmm… ok that might not be the perfect expression but you know what I mean….

SIMPLY AWESOME, right? This is THE comic that started it all for me.

Before Sandman, before Swamp Thing, before Animal Man, there was Alan Moore with his whacked out version of the Justice League. It is a tale that oozes with high concepts of truth, justice and morality. It provides an uncompromising look at the ugliness of humanity, forcing you to look into an abyss and seeing nothing. Yet, at the same time, it demonstrates how much humanity more we can be capable of.

That is why his characters are so bizarre and yet, so easy to identify with. His heroes are poster boys (and girls) of their own brand of insanity who are trying to save the world through their own path of self destruction.

Watchmen was the THE book that taught me comics can be much more than just my Incredible Hulks and X Factors (though those are pretty good too). It is also THE book I’ll impose on anyone who disses comics as a “medium for kids”.

And this was the first Trailer for Watchmen that came out some time back. I believed I made a vow not that long ago to stop watching trailers.

But what the hell, right? This is the WATCHMEN!! Don’t think I’ve anticipated a movie as much since NAAAAACHOOOOOO Libre

Year of the Bat

This will seem blasphemous to some, but I did not really enjoy “The Dark Knight”

After raving about the hype in a previous post, I felt a bit underwhelmed by the whole experience. “Batman Begins” was an awesome flick. I think that’s partly because it seems like a breath of fresh air after the farce that descended on the whole franchise when Joel Schumacher took over the series. (I shall not bitch about bat nipples and neon villains). We had a tank-like Batmobile, we have Aslan as Ra-shal-gul, we even have a wise cracking Alfred and Lucius Fox. Batman remains as the dark, methodical bastard that he is, but we could still see glimpses of Bruce Wayne.

“Dark Knight”, however is a dark, dark flick with nothing to counter balance it. The plot is semi-deep (which is twice as deep as most Hollywood fare these days) and there seems to be no end to the blanket of doom and gloom that envelops the whole show. Batman (and the denizens of Gotham, of course) just keeps finding himself mired in deeper and stickier layers of shit as the movie progresses.

You’d think that the presence of the Joker will elevate that. After all, he is created to be the Super ego to Batman’s Id. He is wild abandonment compared to Batman’s cold calculations. He is everything that Batman is not. In other words, the Joker is supposed to be fun.

No offense to the dead guy,(preparing for more gasps of disapproval…) but this will always be my Joker.

“Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

Kudos for Harvey Dent though. He is definitely one of the most 3 dimensional character in the show. Because we are the sadistic bastards that we are, we all love the story of a fall from grace. “Schadenfreuder”, if I remember my Boston Legal correctly. Huge Kudos for the design of Two-Face too. Don’t think I could’ve sat through another one of this…

On other news, (warning: HUGE geek alert), NEIL GAIMAN IS WRITING BATMAN!!!

And if I did not make myself clear on that statement,

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!

Right, now that we have that out of the way.

I know, I know. It is probably more of a marketing move than a creative one. I mean, there are fanboys out that who will just buy ANYTHING that Gaiman even scribbles on right? So Batman + Gaiman =  Ka-ching, Kaching.

Having said that, this is not the first time Gaiman wrote Batman. If memory serves me right, he actually wrote some tales about the bats that was collected in Batman: Black and White, along with other stories from Frank Miller and such.

Don’t remember the story, but I don’t remember it as particularly outstanding. Which can be looked at from both ways.

But that’s the thing about anthology short stories. They don’t really have time to grow. I know some of the best stories are the shortest ones. But I also believe in the rewarding of loyal readers. To be there from the start of an epic and looking at all the pieces coming together after a long build up is something else altogether.

Gaiman’s take on Batman will come by after Grant Morrison’s arc that is ominously named “Batman R.I.P.” I have no idea how long Gaiman’s arc on Batman will be, but I hope that it has time to grow and mature..

And that the Joker’s in it…

And that it involves no Bat nipples.

I HAVE to do that

Oh right, if it warms your cockles to (probably) see Batman tears (literally) someone a new one, there’s also this lil thing coming up…

Yeeeesh….

Why so Serious?

No… this is not actually a review for Dark Knight.

In fact, this post actually came about after watching one of the OTHER summer block busters: Hellboy II.

I enjoyed the movie… A LOT.

With recent super hero movies immersing themselves in a  “Darker Tone”, Hellboy came out and showed everyone how superhero movies should be made.While these “darker” movies show how mature a medium the graphic novel can be, they forget that at the end of the day, we’re often talking about men/women/big green things prancing about in their underwear.

And that, in itself is a whole bag of fun.

Women prancing about in their underwear, I mean.

While Hellboy has its fair share of plot points and subplots involving unrequited love, family hatred, death and maiming of parents/work mates. It does not result in the characters moping and looking anguished while  hanging upside down on bridges, hanging out in inpoverished South American Towns, or just plain hanging.

Nope, for Hellboy, these “issues” are resolved over beer, cigars and an unhealthy dose of Barry Manilow.

Sounds good to me already.

I’m a recently converted fan of Guillermo del Toro. Pan’s Labyrinth was a huge revelation for me. Some of the best stories I’ve read/watch/seen/heard tread the fine line between darkness and light. They’re about light being found when all hope seems to be gone; or even better yet, they’re stories that slowly peel and crawl and chew away facades of seemingly bright and cheery scenarios to reveal the filthy, rotting and decomposing surface below.

It’s hard to find this balance. To have a story that is heavy on its rhetorics and yet, doesn’t really preach to its audience.

And finally, to round it all up, Hellboy boasts some of the most devilishly (hur hur) beautiful creature designs this side of Mirrormask. Mike Mignola was a genius at incorporating mythology and folklore into the tales of Hellboy and del Toro managed to put his own twist to Mignola’s creatures and bring them alive on screen.

Just check out the scene where Hellboy battles the plant elemental whatchumightcallit. While it is not one of those Waichoskily complicated, well cheorographed “Fight sequence” per se, but the fight and its aftermath has got to be one of the most whimsical (in a good way) piece of cinema that I’ve ever seen.

Great stuff.

“Based on”…. WHAT?

It’s about time someone in Hollywood seriously rethinks what the term “based on” means.

I mean, why pay millions of dollars to some already friggin rich comic writer to use the term “based on” in your movie poster when your film have almost NOTHING to do with the source material, right?

I can understand the marketing view point if you’re making shit like “Super Mario” and “Street Fighter” movies. The words “based on” are normally enough to send the fan boys (and girls) (hmmm… not really, girls are generally too smart to watch Super Mario Bros or Street Fighters) packing into the cinemas. But shows like “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” and “Wanted” which have coherent (ok, MOSTLY coherent) and independent storylines should’ve been allowed to stand on their own two feet. It is cheaper and less of a hassle to think up a new name than it is to negotiate the marketing rights, right?

It is almost completely opposite to the Hulk, which pays tribute to the source material and actually rewards fanboys who are able to catch the subtle (and not so subtle) easter eggs in the movie. The only reference I got was the name tag of a certain JG Millar who works in the cubicle next to Wesley’s. (JG Jones and Mark Millar being the creators of the original Wanted) (I HAVE to flaunt this nerd knowledge SOMEWHERE)

So why watch Wanted, you ask?

Well, besides the very obvious reason of the SUPER Sexy Mrs Pitt, Wanted (the movie) is every lil boy’s wet dream come true. Superb Action Sequences? Check. Big Ass Car Chases where a dumpster truck can outrun a Sports car? Check. Logic Flaws the size of bullet exit wounds? Check. Profanities spelled out by broken keyboards and fallen teeth? Check. The Sewing Machine of Fate? (I am totally serious). Check. Curving Bullets Gun Fu? Check. Darth Vadar-ish *SPOILER ALERT* “I am Your Father” moment? CHECK!

Naked back shot of Mrs Pitt? (I REALLY had to add that in again) Check! Check! And Check!

And, ermm… There’s also Morgan Freeman and something resembling a plot.

But like I’ve mentioned. It’s a show that could’ve stood on its own 2 feet. It won’t be a cinema classic anytime soon, but for a summer blockbuster, it would’ve done fine. i mean, after all, there’s a naked shot of Angelina’s back. *drooool*

I am also convinced that THIS

Works waaaaay better than THIS

Going to the Movies

I can’t believe I’ve not written an extended piece on the movie going experience here yet… I’ve written a piece on the state of the cinemas here but the whole process of going to the movies is something else altogether.

More than one of my friends have likened it to watching a football match.

Yes, instead of the conventional wisdom of keeping quiet in the cinemas, these people cheer, shout, whistle and yes! dance in the cinemas!

So depending on your preference this could be a hell of a good time or just plain hell.

I mean it is hard not to feel a heady rush when the whole cinema erupts into claps and cheers when John Rambo saves the girl who’s about to be brutalized by appearing behind the baddy with an “i’m ready to claw your neck out with my bare hands” look on his face. These people live for cinematic moments like this.

Actually, I take that back. These people live for ANY cinematic moments, including wild cheers and wolf whistles when the main stars’ names appear in the opening sequences. I am not kidding.

Another sequence these people love are the kissing scenes. It is a very big deal for these guys because it is still taboo to show onscreen kisses for the local flicks. How serious are they about the taboo? People can get sued for “immoral conduct” over it. I’m serious. There are self appointed “keepers of morality here”. Before I go on to rant about THAT, check out the too cool for words Headlines for the article in the link. Even for Hollywood flicks, some kisses are cut because they are deemed too “passionate” and “immoral”.

For those that aren’t cut, the fun starts in what I dubbed the “nose touching” moments. This is the lead up to the kiss where the actors/actresses are trying to build sexual tension. I don’t know how successful the actors/actresses are at achieving that.

I really don’t.

Because by this time, the cinema would have broken into rhythmic clapping and stomping of feet going “Kiss, Kiss, Kiss! Kiss, Kiss, Kiss!” before erupting into, yes, cheers and wolf whistles when the kiss finally happen. It doesn’t even matter who the actors or actresses are. It could even be a kiss between Napoleon Dynamite and Ugly Betty. (that’s a sight you’d probably want was outta your mind now)

Now, you’d think that would be the highlight of these kiss sequences. But No! (*wink* Girlfriend*)… it gets really really intense if the kiss scenes are CUT. You never thought you’d ever see people this upset in the cinema. They’ll scream, they’ll hiss at the screen and horrors, they’ll SPIT! It is EXTREMELY disturbing hearing spittle projectiles flying around you in a really dark cinema. It’s kinda like the attack on Normandy sequence in “Saving Private Ryan”… only worse

Even for all this, I think you’d miss the true local movie experience if you don’t watch a local flick at the cinema. The local cinema is famed for their song and dance routines and all the stars are so familiar to the locals that there is almost constant cheering throughout the 3 hour long epics. And this whole carnival atmosphere climaxes during the various song and dance sequences. The locals will dance on their seats and some will even bring their partners onto the small stage before the screen and start dancing along.

According to some locals I spoke to, some of these people have already seen the movie more than 10 times. (And I thought I was already quite extreme in my repeat movie viewings <last count, matrix: 8x. Infernal Affairs: 5x. BOO YEAH!> )

It is sort of like a clubbing session for them.

Wild….