Let’s generate some traffic for this blog…

by jumping on the “Dark Knight” bandwagon… there… Surely I’ll get some traffic from the mere mention of the name “Dark Knight” (oops… I did it again).

It must be one of the most anticipated movie of the year and I guess the promoters are trying to generate all the hype they can before the movie’s release. Not that I blame them.. there must be shitloads of money invested into the show.

The thing is that this is such a large cash cow that there will be many people trying to milk it. And when there are so many people fighting for the same piece of pie, how do you stand out from the rest of them? The traditional answer to that would be to make your product so much better than your competitions’ that people will have no choice but to buy yours. But these days, I guess, the more cost-efficient way to do it would be to generate as much controversy around your product as possible, so that us desensitized zombie masses will sit up and take notice. I just thought that some lines will never be crossed… such as these…

Announced just weeks after Heath Ledger’s funeral, this stinks badly of cashing in. What makes it worse is the hypocrisy of over emphasizing that “the family gave their blessings” and that he will be “immortalized” by these actions. I guess the headlines says it all, that this might well be a “Cruel Joke”.

Anyway, just managed to catch “A Knight’s Tale” on TV (which was, of course showing a Heath Ledger marathon). Am quite amazed by his on-screen charisma. What can I say? Medieval knights dancing to rock and roll…. rocks! And hence, this outpouring…

But then, I’m probably just taking this wrongly, or as this too cool to be true poster ask:

Despite my complains of the insane publicity involved, I have to admit… They sure know how to make some really cool posters….

Just when I thought it was safe to watch movies based on fighting games….

I mean “Dead or Alive” was seriously awesome. They got the right ingredients. Enough camp, enough cheese, and of course, enough boobs. Also, the show does not take itself too seriously. Always a good thing when your base material is not.

Anyway, the latest news (for me) is that they’re going to make a new Streetfighter movie. Probably just in time to cash in on the hype surrounding the soon-to-be-released Streetfighter IV. (here’s when I go wooooohooooo….) The spin is that this new movie will not centre around the normal “main characters” of Ken, Ryu, Guile or Sagart. Instead, they will choose to focus on everyone’s favorite underwear revealing fighter… Chun Li. That’s right… ol bun head will be getting her own movie. How do I know it? Well… the name of the movie is “Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li“, so…

So far, things are not going good for the show… the director they’ve chosen is one Andrzej Bartkowiak whose works includes such classics as “Romeo Must Die”, “Cradle 2 Grave” and “Doom”… all examples of “movies-that-should-not-be-taken-too-seriously-but-somehow-are”. Seriously, there was so much potential for “Doom” to be so camp that it’ll be good, but alas…

I think one of the biggest problems in the execution of the show would be the presentation of Chun Li. No one seemed to be able to pull off her character design with dignity. And many have tried…

Ming Na Wen in Street Fighter:The Movie

including my favorite Qiu Shu Zhen (hint: not the one on the  left) …

oh yes.. many have tried… even those that should have no business trying…

The buns just do not come out well!!

So who’s the latest brave soul to challenge this role? It has to be someone that does not realize that taking on certain roles will destroy their entire careers. There are just some roles that you do not take because your whole life will never be the same again. For example, any role that require you to play opposite ANY Warner Brothers cartoon characters. They are cute. You are not. Also, Bond girls… there’s a reason why the series is named after him.

I digress, the latest challenger is non other than our favorite Kristin Kreuk, aka Lana Lang. You’d think that she would want to put “Eurotrip” behind her and build on whatever credibility she’s gained from “Smallville” or “Partition”. Oh well..

While she’s certainly a looker (I am a fan), she might well be the last major contributor to why this film is doomed to failure. Already there is potentially no camp and no cheese, now there’s also… no boobs!

Oh… there’s also an actress in the show by the name of Moon Bloodgood… So cool in an entirely hippie way…

Not that I want to make this a John Lennon Fan site….

but, I just NEED to write down my feelings about artistic integrity.

See, I was reading Richard Dawkin’s “God Delusion” a while back. In it (the introduction, i believe), he mentioned that some people were opposed to John’s classic song (a.k.a. Imagine) because it is “Anti Religion”. So some artists (a.k.a. tight ass pansies), disagreeing with the song’s anti-religion stance, have changed the line “and no religion too” into “and one religion too” in their cover versions.

At that time, I was mildly amused. Because it is rather funny. To use a “anti religion communist”‘s song to promote your one religion. You have to see the funny side in this.

Now, before I go any further, I must first proclaim that I am not anti-religion. Hell (oops…) I am not even an atheist. I’m under the “it’s complicated” category. I believe that the world was created 5000 years ago. I believe it was exploded into existence 5 billion gazillion years ago. I believe dinosaurs once roam the Earth. I believe some Supreme Power left the bones under the Earth as one big cosmic joke (haha, I can’t believe I got you guys to dig that big hole with brushes smaller than My tooth brush). I refuse to believe we are mutant apes (hmmm… if this is true, we are the X-Monkeys!! WOOHOOO!! Watch me pulverize you with my opposable thumbs!!!) . But at the same time, as despicable and ugly as we can be at times, I refuse to believe we are made from mud either. I refuse to believe that if Someone up there wants to speak to the little people, he’ll do it through loud, obnoxious, white men who drives big cars and shout out of television sets. I refuse to believe donating obscene amounts of money to these sad souls is a stairways to heaven. I don’t believe my heart will be weight against a feather when I die. I don’t believe anything, even death, can make me lie still in the ground for millenniums till Kingdom Come. I don’t believe death is the end of the journey. But I don’t believe it can be the start of another either.

Right. Too far off tangent… Curse you, Neil Gaiman!

Anyway, I suddenly remembered Dawkin’s paragraph. It came to me in a flash of brilliance as I was…take a wild guess… studying!. So studying really does stimulate my brain cells… I just wish it was in the correct direction as where the books were going.

One thing blogging taught me about myself is that I’m not so good at keeping on one thread of thought for a very long time. See, I’ve done it again. I’m like one of those kids on “Final Destination”. After a series of near-misses, and just as I thought it was safe to go about my daily business, I’ll be hit by a train… of thought…. Geddit? geddit? “Train” of thought…. geez…

Anyway (again) I googled “and one religion too” and came up with this nonsense…

Imagine there’s a Heaven / It’s easy if you try / A hell below us / Above us Holy sky / Imagine all the people / Living for God’s way ~

Imagine there’s no hatred / It isn’t hard to do / No cause to kill or die for / And one religion too / Imagine all the people / Living in Christ’s peace. ~

And that’s just one sampling of a few choice lyrics on this website (for just US$100 a month till you die, you’ll get to spend eternity in Heaven)…

I’ve mentioned before. I am not anti religion, and certainly not anti Christianity, but Jesus really needs to get a new fan club.

Music is music. The musician (in this case, John <aka the Genius>) is trying to spread his message through his music… Just let him be. I cannot believe that some people could so blindedly and flagrantly butcher a song up to change it’s meaning totally. It is a Hit song for a reason and piggybacking on it’s success and manipulating it to say something completely different is just plain… sad, actually…. And it does say a lot about the levels you’re willing to stoop to for money. To twist the words of something written just decades ago to make it suit your own purposes. “Imagine” what you can do to something that was written almost 2 millenniums ago…

So to you lyrics changer, I have this to say…. Write your own “10 Greatest Songs of All time” song if you want to spread a message….

Criminal

There once was a boy who loves his rhymes
Was not good at it but it help him pass the times
So when he hear bad jingles on the air
It makes him want to tear out his hair
Like this one featuring a car battery
That is certainly no flattery
To all self respecting rhymers
Who’ll put their hearts on microwave timers
To learn there’s actually people making money
(A word too often rhymed with honey)
Butchering words like these
They should be fed to bees
So believe me when I say
That these people need to pay
For thinking “Amaron” rhymes with long
And putting in that ridiculous “song”
Not to mention at the end
It’s like a slap on the hand
That they have the gall
(they really want to make u bawl)
Their desperation must be really strong
To think they can get away with “Ting Tong”?!?!?!?!

Progress!

I was watching American Idol on TV today, (yes, yes. I’m watching too much TV…) and I realised that THIS is the perfect testament of how much we’ve progress as a human race.

A long time ago, our ancestors got their kicks from spectacular blood sports, gladiatorial fights, big hunts, public executions, etc….

But now, we’re entertained simply by seeing normal people losing all dignity, having their egos crushed and bawling their eyes out. Now, that’s what I call progress…

Don’t you just love civilization?

Not another quote….

I was watching this program on Nat Geo Adventures (fantastic fantastic channel) this morning. It’s about a group of strangers backpacking together in Italy, which brought back tonnes of memories… It’s not just the places, but also the people they met on the streets, the endless amount of wandering around aimlessly, the food, the ambience of the places, and more importantly, the group dynamics…. great stuff…

Anyway, towards the end of the program, one of the backpackers was asked about her motto in life, she said:

“Live like you are dying. Dance like no one is watching. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like no one can hear you. WORK like you don’t need the money”

Not a bad one to live by…. but for me. IF I sing, I’ll make sure EVERYONE’S listening… no matter how off key I might be.

That’s just me, of course…

But the rest of the stuff is pretty good

An ill wind bloweth…

Tis a black season. I believe that things come and go in cycles and this seems to be an especially bad period of time for many people around me. Friends are getting hurt, friends are hurting others and worst of all, friends are hurting themselves.

I don’t post things that’re too personal in this space. Especially things that are personal to people that are close to me. But I just want to say to all you guys who have been hurt and say that “Time will numb the pain”.

Don’t let it.

Do not let yourself be numb to the pain. Pain hurts but pain is what makes us human. Pain takes but pain gives as well. You will not enjoy the pain, because who does? Pain can break you. Pain can leave you on your knees. Pain can make you wail like a little baby. Sure, if you let yourself be numb to the pain, you’ll grow stronger. But you’ll be strong in all the wrong places. You’ll reach a point where you do not know if you are numb to the pain or you are numb by the pain. You’ll be strong in all the broken places… There cannot be any rainbows without rain. Pain makes us appreciate the good times so much more.

Bah… I’m not good at this, so I shall steal a quote from Jim Morrison:

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.

People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit.

Love hurts.

Feelings are disturbing.

People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong.

Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality.

You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

Hope this season ends soon…

Rocky-ism

Finally caught Rocky Balboa.

In the show, Rocky was asked to recommend something from the menu in his restaurant. His reply was “It’s all edible.”

It sure is, and I lapped it all up like it’s the only Rocky film to come out in almost a decade. Not that that’s a bad thing cause it all works. From aged (albeit botoxed) Rocky to the revisits to locations from the first film to the traditional Rocky training to the tune of “Eye of the Tiger” to flashbacks of Rocky’s first few fights to more classic Rocky-isms, the whole thing reeks so badly of nostalgia that it’s fragrant. Hmm… that’s not really a word that I’ll want to associate to a show with sweaty guys punching each other up.

Rocky is a show that probably inspired a generation (as is evident from the numerous out takes of people doing their own version of the classic “jog up the stairs” routine in the end credits. Classic). This show will not carry on that proud tradition. But it is still a pretty good flick on its own right.

So I’ll end with some new Rocky-ism from the show:

ROCKY TO SON:

I’d hold you up to say to your mother, “this kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.” And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watching you, every day was like a privilige. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that! I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain’t gonna have a life.

Whoever thought the big guy has it in him to write such sweet prose. Beneath that meatbag exterior lies a seriously under rated writer and director (He wrote and directed most of his franchise films Rambo and Rocky. Who would’ve thought?)

Respect.

Feeding Time!

I am a walking buffet for the world’s smartest mosquitoes.

I suspect they live under my computer table. Now, normally I do not even see them around. But the moment I start concentrating on the computer. Such as when I’m using the computer to do work, watch a movie and of course, game – They Strike!

I do not know about you, but I can be so immersed in whatever’s happening on the computer screen, the real world just fades away around me. It is kind of scary to be so engrossed in something. Apparently, a study done on the brain waves of kids playing video games shows that they emit a certain EM wave that previously was only found in PROFESSIONAL athletes. Is that a good thing or bad? I seriously do not know…

Before I go off on that tangent, let’s get back to the main topic. I can be working intensely on a document and once I take a break and look down, you know what I’d see? George W. Bush riding a unicycle and juggling a thousand flaming Republicans. … … hmmm…. I kid, of course…. I have no idea where THAT come from… I blame the late hour. I do not do work of any kind on my computer. It’s for gaming and SOME movie watching only.

Seriously, I’ll wake from my trance and discover that I’ve just funded another terrorist cell in some impoverished mosquito third world country. My legs will be covered with numerous (surpringly itch free) swollen welts.

The Thing is: It’ll only dawn on you how sucky the whole situation is only when you realize that you’ve been outsmarted by mosquitoes.

Sucky, mosquitoes… geddit? geddit? I really need to get a life…

The Worst DVD to pirate

Is one which has lots of dark tones and actresses that mumble for most of the show. Also, throw into the mix, a pretend-French barber that speaks with a ridiculous accent, and you will get a show that you’ll have to squint to see and rewind countless times to hear. In other words – an almost unpirate-able show

Yes, I am talking about Sweeny Todd.

I just watched it on a pirated DVD.

Not that I am proud of this, of course. But in my defence, I had no choice as they are not showing it where I am.

The low quality of a cam shot version of Sweeny Todd is bad enough. But imagine how much worse it could get if the pirate cam operator is an unprofessional one, who is constantly fidgeting in his seat and from time to time, I am not kidding, FARTS into the camera speakers!!!

EVEN with all this, it was quite an enjoyable show. It’s definitely not a show to bring the kids to, but still not half as gory as many had made it out to be. Definitely a fun watch for the adults.

Johnny Depp’s acting for this show has been lauded as brilliant but his Keanu-esque 1-expression-for-the-entire-film can get a bit tiring after awhile. The hidden star of this show is definitely Alan “Severus Snape” Rickman. His duet, yes, duet with Johnny “Pretty Woman” (not the one that’s walking down the street) is definitely one of the best songs in the show

Mumbling actress and Johnny Depp’s ONLY expression for the entire film

FUCK You!!

Fuck You all to hell!!

I hate suicide bombers. I really do. What kind of brainless idiots would allow themselves to be coerced to waste their friggin insignificant lives on some cause that they do not even fully comprehend? Which friggin cause is strong enough for you to taint your soul with the taking of an innocents’ life? Who would be stupid enough to think that the person who ordered the suicide bombing would care that you are gone? Would 1 minute of mourning every year really be enough to compensate for the time you’ll never spend with your loved ones and with the grandchildrens you’ll never live to see grow up? Wake up! Some people are making monkeys out of you!

How low could you go? Resorting to attacking civilian targets instead of any other forces that has a chance of fighting back. But I suppose that line has already been crossed when you built a dedicated suicide squad. When you started abducting children to fight in the frontlines. When you decided to make “full use” of your available resources and send “soldiers” who are not “fighting fit”, such as pregnant women and disabled war veterans to detonate bombs in the middle of huge crowds to do the “maximum civilian damage”. When you have multiple death warrants on you and is able to hide behind armies of mindless zombies, honor and character just go out the window huh?

How dare you??? How dare you assume the role of God? How dare you play Russian Roulette with another’s life? How dare you blow up innocent bystanders and forever shatter the lives of countless other strangers? How dare you?

Don’t you even dare to call this a “war” and yourselves “freedom fighters” or *shudder* “martyrs”. These words actually have meanings. It is true that we’ve been killing each other for what we want since the dawn of time. But a “War” implies fighting other people who are INVOLVED in the war. NOT innocent bystanders. And don’t get me started on “Asymmetric Warfare”. Yes, you are weaker than your opponents. But how much weaker are the civilians you blow up? It is not bravery that propels you, it is cowardice of the highest order. So why don’t you call yourselves what you really are? “Cowards without honor”.

Suicide bombers are the scums of the universe. They have no honor. They have no courage. They have no brains.

Yes! I watched the SuperBowl Just for the Commercials!!!

Because I don’t understand the game. I really don’t.

I tried to watch it on TV today, but I just couldn’t make any sense of it.

For one thing, I am using the empiric system, where “yards”, to me is the place at the back of the house. So, to me, “yards to go” essentially means you’re selling a piece of land. Anyway, now I know better. For other ignoramus-es like me, for those using the metric system “a yard” is roughly equal to 523 litres.

But the main thing that’s stopping me from enjoying the Superbowl is simply because “football” has a different meaning to me. My “football” involves 20 sweaty men (players) running on around on a pitch (field) trying to get the ball (ball) past 2 lucky chaps (goalkeepers) who get to move an average of 20 metres (103 gallons) a match (game). From what I saw in this morning’s games, “American” football (figure skating) involves a battalion of almost 1038 sweaty men running in and out of a field and in between “plays”, communicate complex game plans by touching themselves in ways that would’ve gotten them killed in most Arab countries.

There’s also the problems of the numerous stoppages. While one game flows almost seamlessly for the duration of the 2 halves, the other is stopped constantly by the endless stream of players who flies through the air better than the cast from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I suspect some of them are actually Kungfu Masters in disguise. One player could bump into another, and this other guy would fly 3 rounds through the air from the Secret Unseen Buddha Palm used by the first player. Sometimes, just the “air” from the attacks of these deadly offensive players is enough to make the other collapse into a useless, sniveling heap on the ground.

I know the American Footballers think they are tough. They tackle hard, they launch bone crunching lunges at each other, they stretch various seemingly vulnerable body parts during plays. But “my” footballers have the ability to walk/jog/jump/sprint off what looks like career ending injuries, as soon as the the referee decides to look the other ways. “My” footballers can walk off more than 5 career ending injuries in a match!

So, to prevent further arguments, I’ll keep my interest in Superbowl to the advertisements.

They are generally really enjoyable. And why shouldn’t they? They cost US$2.5million per 30 seconds slot. And that’s just for the airtime. Let’s not forget the production costs and the insane amount of endorsement fee “stars” are demanding these days. That is one 3rd world country beers, colas, cars and the Internet will not be feeding this year

Oh well, since the money is already paid, I’ll do my super phase shift and proclaim: Bud Light makes the funniest ads!!! Yes, yes, I know the company does not produce the ads themselves but their advertisements remain my favorite for pure stupidity and “dude”-ism. This was my favorite ad from last year

and the Higher Power of Unparallel Wisdom over at Bud Light ad central decided to bring back my favorite character…

BOOOOD LITE BOY!!

Genius!

Anyway, for those that are interested, and have too much time to waste (my intended viewership for this blog) can check out more than 1 decade (100 years) of Superbowl ads from this link.

http://www.superbowl-ads.com/

ENJOY!