In the spirit of the season…

I know, I know. I’ve been kinda grouchy the last few posts. So in order not to appear like the grinch, I’ll leave you guys with this picture. It’s as close to a piece of heaven in a cup as I could get.

What is it? It’s dark chocolate melted into a pot of white chocolate and tempered with a dash of Irish Whiskey… Sweet Sweet Sweet.

Will be heading North for the season. So will be leaving this space mostly empty for the next 2 weeks or so. Sortof like reverse migratory birds? Figures right? To be the only ones that are heading into the cold for winter… But that’s me… and that’s why you guys love me so…

Sp, be good, don’t talk to strangers, be in bed by 10 and take lots of photos… We’ll share when the time comes. “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine”

Happy Holidays and have an amazing New Year!

Pirated Food!!

Yup… Just ate at the most pirated food place in the world. It’s this place called MarryBrown… The spelling is correct… it’s not Mary Brown’s.. and check out the cool inverted Starbucks cup they serve the drinks in… sweet..

Om Shanti Om…

Prologue
In summary, this post is about my movie going experience here. This is a relatively long post, dealing with 2 COMPLETELY different issues, so I’ll split it into 2 parts for your convenience. Kinda like how these people still have an intermission during their movies. Yes, it’s true… read on, true believers…. IF you dare…

Part 1
I’ve finally gathered enough courage.

I’ve gone 3 months without watching any movies (at the cinema, there’re many DVDs here… ) (legal ones) (I swear). That is an eternity by my standards. Also, I was taunted by this posters that are everywhere! So I decided that I should just give it a try… Who wants to live forever, right?

I am a big Gaiman fan…

So I got myself a “Super Premium VIP” ticket ($2) at the local cinema. (Is it me or does “Super Premium VIP” sounds a bit excessive? It’s like the “Wonderful, Spectacular Spiderman” or the “Ultra Incredible Hulk”. These people really like their “Super”s though… They use it to describe anything that is halfway decent…) (“Super Super Man”?). It basically means a “balcony” seat above the “common people”.

Got myself some popcorn ($0.20) and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. (It was… SUPER!!). “GIVE THIS MAN A COIN AND SEND HIM HOME… He has a story to tell…” Sweet, sweet stuff…

Buoyed by the success of this lil endeavor, I decided that since I am already at the cinema, I should (now this is the part where even I have to marvel at my own genius) start a movie marathon! I mean the ticket price is 1/3 of the price back home. So theoretically, I can get a 3 movie marathon for the price of one. And don’t everyone love a bargain?

I’ve decided that the second movie should be Farah Kahn’s “OM SHANTI OM”, since I’ve heard so much good things about it. Also, movies with posters this (intentionally?) tacky cannot be bad. Also, I’ve decided that it was high time I went native…

Went into the cinema again with another popcorn and some drinks ($0.40) and actually enjoyed the movie. The songs were quite awesome. And the acting was so campy that it was fun. I was actually able to catch some of the jokes, despite there being no subtitles! There are times (every time they start a dance sequence), however, when I think I laughed inappropriately (and loudly). Those will be the times when the guys in front of me would turn around and give me “The Look”.

1.5 hours into the show, I started to feel queasy. I think that all good movie marathons should have moments like these. You know, the moment when you REALLY need to go to the toilet but need to find the Appropriate Time so that you will not “miss too much”. I started squirming in my seat… After *spoiler alert* seeing both the male and female lead die in a fire, I figured this is the golden opportunity and DASHED for the emergency exit where the toilet was….

This is only the 2nd time in my life that I’ve actually encountered a solid wall of smell. I mean that quite literally. When I opened the door to the toilet and try to run into it, I was knocked back by this physics- defying (and almost) tangible wall… I think I staggered for a bit. I vaguely remember running to the streets before puking my guts out. Now that is… (priceless)

Intermission

Ask me about the 1st time I’ve encountered this solid wall… It is entertaining, I promise…In fact, that was of a higher level… that was a solid wall of heat AND smell…

Part 2

There was no way in hell I was going back to the cinema again after that.

But I really did enjoy the movie, so I went to the shop next door and got the DVD for it.

Went back home, popped it in and sat through the first half again. Yes, it is THAT good… just suspend all your beliefs in that lil thing called “Reality” and take in the songs and the dances. Incredibly Campy fun. I think I laughed more at this than I did during Kungfu Hustle. That’s saying a lot because I think that Kungfu Hustle is a comedic Masterpiece of our time… (Besides Nacho Libre of course). Anyway, the time code on the disc reads 1 hour 40 minutes, so I thought, ok, I did not miss too much of the movie after all…

I started noticing something was wrong when the main characters only *spoiler alert* started dying at the 1 hour 35 minutes mark!!! So for the next 5 minutes I was cursing and swearing… Sure that I was ripped off and that this lousy dvd will end before the end… but at the 1 hour 40 minute mark, something happened… it… skipped to the NEXT track… which is another 1 hour 40 minutes long!! Apparently, after the main characters die, they *BIG SPOILER ALERT – TURN BACK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE…* got Reincarnated???? What the Fuck????? Yes, it’s true…. Only in Bollywood…

Epilogue

So the moral of the story?

Clear your bowels before going for a movie marathon, and

don’t drink too much dubious chai… I think I might’ve gotten my first Diarrhoea since I got here… And boy, did it announce its arrival with a bang (not THAT literally)…

The main PR of this show revolves around Shah Rukh Kahn’s 40 year old abs… And to be honest, I can see why…

I hate Shopping…

I do… I hate shopping… with a vengence…

For people who know me, that should not come as too much of a surprise. My mood just plummet and I’ll be grouchy if I need to shop for an extended period of time (anything more than 10 minutes). I know the best thing to do in dark times like these would be to sulk, grit my teeth and just get the damn Christmas shopping over with, therein ensuring joy to the world and good will towards mankind.

But the thing is… Misery loves company…

Normally, my bubble of personal space is quite malleable. I’m ok with people squeezng really close to me (especially really beautiful ones… I digress…) because, quite simply, I’m not that territorial. But when I’m in a dark mood, this invisible bubble seems to explode outwards exponentially. So if yo u do shit near me (anywhere within my visual range) you WILL get shit.

This includes You who was spitting out of a moving bus. Have you even consider the people ON THE SIDEWALK??? And do you really have that much spittle that you have to do that THREE times on a 10 minute bus ride????

And also You who budged into my taxi, trying to negotiate a partial deal with my driver WITHOUT even a glance in my direction.

And also You who quoted me a ridiculous price for pirated shades. Yes, normally I think a (short) bargaining process is fun. But if you start off with a price that is 50 times higher than normal, You are just asking for it. I will not do business with anyone who takes me for an idiot. And Yes, I will shove you if you block my way.

And last but certainly not least (in fact, I’ll say Most since You got the biggest earful from me), You who skipped my queue. Yes, I am in line and pressing so close against me when there is so much space behind will not make me move. No, shimmying pass me will only ensure a big, humiliating Earful from me.

I don’t think any of You will be reading this, but I’ll like to apologize for ticking You off(and then some) for behaving like the lil imbecilic kids that You are.

Ho ho friggin ho…

Genius!

Now, why haven’t WE thought of this???

Saw this in a shopping mall…. I don’t think I’m the only one who has been caught outside, in urgent need of a recharge, right?

Yes, now is a good time to call in the Ignorance Police. Let me know if you have seen THIS anywhere around back home.

Also, Nokia seems to be the market leader here, judging from this panel… 3 Nokias, 1 Samsung, 1 Sony Ericsson….

Brother Jinn Lamp Seller

Saw this huge sign on a corner of Jew Street (I know of at least 3 in this region) (Jew Streets, not Signs) (or Corners) (Haha). As part of my lifelong search for Aladdin’s lamp and being a general sucker, of course I have to check it out!

Saw this lovely place around the corner and started snapping photos. The owner saw this, smiled broadly and through hand gestures, invited me to take a photo of him in his shop. I’ve been getting a lot of these, so I obliged. [although I have no idea why they would want their photos taken in the camera of a stranger that they'll (probably) never see again]. After taking the photos, he invited me in for chai and we started to talk…

Or rather we attempted to. I am a complete idiot when it comes to the local language and he is not that conversant in English as well…

After a long time of trying to understand each other (mostly through hand signalling, and my favorite… talking REALLY loudly until the other concedes and nod their head in agreement) , I found out that his name is Jinn… (Also, he passed me his name card) Hence the name of the shop. I do not know the reason for Brother though. So it is Brother Jinn… Lamp Seller, instead of Brother… Jinn Lamp… Seller… Damn….

I spent the next half hour sitting there sipping my tea. He went around supervising his workers while they make the lamps. Halfway through, he invited me to try making a lamp. I have very low confidence when it comes to art and crafts. I enjoy doing it, but I’m always afraid that the recipients will take one look at the creation, shriek in horror (or worse, laugh out loud) and throw it away. I mean I know they won’t. NORMALLY, they’re too nice. They leave the laughing and throwing till when I’m gone.

But today, I felt really good. Today, as I sat there laying the wires and gluing the paper, I am finally convinced that my hands are made of legs. (Super glue has that effect on people sometimes…) The guy beside me finished 5 lanterns (I counted!) in the time it took me to finish my (flimsy) one

No matter, it was fun….

Even though I really couldn’t understand the instructions he was giving me. I had to keep glancing at the guy beside me (thereby slowing him down and he can ONLY finish 5 in 20 minutes)
Disappointment #2? I did not find Aladdin’s lamp

Advertisements are not truthful?

Is it me? Or does this advertisement seem wrong to you?

I think there are a few reasons that might’ve contributed to the creation of this (funny) advertisement

1) Really bad copy-writing.

2) (Semi) blind copy-writer… Come on! Age and this picture does not come together at all!!! She’s hot!

3) The morals of this society has degraded to such dangerous levels that this might be the picture they have in their heads of old people. Not that I am saying old people cannot be this hot of course.

4) My personal belief…. That this is secretly an ad for men. Buy XXX product and this is what you’re getting for the night. hubba hubba.

Choose your poison…

Socially unacceptable responses

My brain is wired funny. When I read or watch the news, my brain will take some time to process what is written, spoken or on the screen. I think it normally takes 4-5 minutes before the REAL news reaches me. In the meantime, I will be THINKING about it. And this has lead to some awkward situations.

An example would be around 4-5 minutes ago when I read about how
Billionaire Roofer Kenneth Hendricks Dies After Fall through his garage’s roof

Extreme PR disaster! I know that it is extremely tragic this has happened, but deep, deep inside, I am chuckling at the dark and deliciously ugly irony of the situation… as well as the NUMEROUS “through the roof” jokes and puns (that you really do not want to hear about) I’ve made up in the meantime…

I can only say that at times like these, I cannot help but believe in the existence of a Higher Power… and boy, does He/She/They have a seriously sick sense of humor. Bravo!

Also, that I am glad I was alone when I read this piece of news… THIS TIME…. I know I will not be so lucky always.

Some Eternal Truths #2

No matter how good the intention, food taste horrible after being wrapped for 3 hours in newspaper…

I could be wrong, but this candy taste like ink

Yuck.

Scar lives!

Oh dear… after the last 2 post regarding Scar, “Be Prepared” was lodged in my head.. BIG TIME…. Might also have to do with the fact that I kinda have the song on loop, but still….

Anyway, third time’s the charm…. found the clip for “Be Prepared” (don’t you just love youtube?) here

And more entertainingly, a MULTI LANGUAGE version of that song! Very very cool…

The guttural languages (Polish, German) work exceptionally well here, sounds like he’s perpetually growling… And the Mexican one makes me picture Scar in Sambero with mustache… Danish guy actually makes him sound like such a pretty boy (which he is, of course). And they should just sack the Zulu and Czech translator for making Scar sounds like such a boor.

After all that I am very convinced that Scar should be either Yakuza boss Japanese or French. Though Scar sounds decidedly Godfatherly in Italian, it comes a distant second (third?) behind these 2… I doubt any other language can make him sound as snobby and aloft as the French can. Viva La Scar!

Special mention goes to the Dutch translator though… for making him sound like Daffy Duck… DessPPhhhfficable

And i wonder why people say I have a tendency to get fixated on something once I find it mildly engaging and interesting… If only I could set my mind to it, I’m pretty sure this brain would be a diabolical tool for EEEVvvviil.

Aren’t you amazed by the amount of information you are learning from this blog alone? In the words of the Boss:

STICK WITH ME AND YOU’LL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAIN

Only on the Amazing Race,

Do you get farewell quotes like this:

“Shana: (referring to Jennifer and herself) Both of us come from very comfortable lives. We have pedicures and manicures and facials, but coming here and throwing all that out the window, it just amazes me at what there is.”

Instant Classic….. And that’s why we love the Race so much

Heh heh heh

I don’t know why, but every time I pass by this sign on my way to town, I’ll break into almost uncontrollable giggles…..

heh heh heh

Lost in Translation

I’ve been spending the last 2 days wandering the streets alone. Sometimes it’s just nice to get lost in a new city with people speaking languages you cannot even begin to understand. And sometimes it is just nice to get lost. The weather (extremely light drizzle) makes the experience even more magical and bring about a Christmas mood that is non-existent in the first place.

Long story short: met many people, drank many strange tea, ate pirated food, learnt new words, went for a movie “marathon”, puked my guts out (strange as it seems, the last 2 phrases are actually linked), got mobbed, and for a while, a very short while I was convinced I was getting my own magic lamp with genie attached.

Ok, end of short note. Elaboration and photos will come. Insha’Allah

Capital punishment

I support the death penalty. I think that it is an effective way to prevent and deter crime. What is the alternative? Life in prison? You mean after some scumbag is proven guilty for committing harm on another person(s), we are expected to provide him with food and board for the rest of his life? Bearing in mind that capital punishment is normally reserved only for the most heinous of crimes, are we sure buying food, space and security for them is the best way to spend our tax money? As opposed to say… education and health care?

I like to believe in the nobility of Man, but I also believe that one of the only things that’s preventing us from committing crime is the fear of punishment. And nothing scares the bejesus out of people more than death…

So, when I read news like this:

“Chinese teachers sentenced to death for forcing 23 girls into prostitution”

i’ll wonder whether the movement towards “humane execution” is still too lenient…

But THICK as you are, pay ATTENTION!

My words are a matter of pride.

Easily my favorite song of all Disney movies and my favorite villain too.

Which Disney Villain Are You?
	You are part Jafar. “How many times do I have to kill you boy?” You just want to be big and powerful… Is that so much to ask? I mean, you deserve it.
	You are part Scar. Pride and respect matter to you most. Like you said yourself, “Simba, it’s to die for.” You are the most vicious of all villains. You even killed your brother. Worst still, you did it on the big screen in front of millions of little, unexpecting children. You, single handedly, can make a whole generation admit they cried: once.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Isn’t it good to be so free that you are doing more and more of these nonsense quizzes online?